Ah I know some with Parkinson's too...

Movie

What do other people know, that I don’t? Everybody appears to have seen the movie, all of it, every scene. Even the parts that were later cut. And the bloopers. Ah, and the bonus material about what might happen if…. the audience shivers, brrrr, imagine having that condition! Can you pass the popcorn please, come on, let’s watch another movie, this one’s not cool. The thing is, I’m the only one who’s not in the audience. Even though the movie is all about me and the 60,000 other parkinson’s patients in the Netherlands. Even though it’s about the scenarios already laid out for us. I never ever ask myself who wrote that scenario. Never. But I do continually wonder: what did all those people see, that I haven’t seen yet? I mean, they must have seen more than I have, or why else would they keep saying: stay strong, live for the now. Problem is: I have seen the trailer, of shuffling feet, slowness, rigidity, tremors, freezing, depression, nursing homes, swallowing problems, disability, balance problems, loss of smell, mood swings, pain. I know the trailer quite intimately, but I still don’t know which scene I’ll star in. Will it be the one of the elderly gentleman in the supermarket the other day, slowly shuffling, slightly shaking, expressionless? Maybe, maybe not. And still friends insist: come on, enjoy the present. And they’re right, I know they are. And I do enjoy the present, even though tears sometimes blur my eyes, so I can’t even see my screen properly. I’m starting to get used to a tear blurry screen. I also realise that without parkinson’s, I’d probably be worried about, about, about the small stuff. I wouldn’t appreciate the joy of being able to move around freely. And then it clicks. Through my tear blurry eyes, I suddenly realise that I’m starring in a movie right now! A reality movie, in which I’m a member of great family, with a fantastic husband and wonderful children. The best support team ever. I realise that I can still help the kids with their homework, cook meals, visit places, have a good time with my husband, laughing, joking, crying, enjoying silly things. I realise that I’m playing a starring role in an extremely happy, feel good movie. A movie that I think most people would like to be part of – it’s a best seller, after all. I have to work on it full-time, together with my support team, as a group effort. And you know what, when we’re old and grey, we’re going to watch our movie over and over again. And we’ll be happy once more.

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