Ohhhh! Did you hear about Verstappen? Great man, but this last race, I don’t know. Did you know he lives in the same apartment block as erm, what’s his name? Strange state of affairs that, if you ask me. Could swear my hay fever is getting worse every year… but know what I love about shopping? Going for a meal. Don’t you? But where’s the wife, she just can’t seem to get enough of it. – The two friends were saying to each other, patiently waiting on on a bench outside a shop.
If there’s one thing I find stressful, it’s spring. Especially when it’s nice weather. You can’t simply slob out in front of the telly, knock out a new column, read a book, or tidy out that cupboard you’ve been meaning to. No way, not in this weather. Totally Out of the Question. If you’re still in bed at 8am at the weekend in this weather, you already feel it coming. Spring stress.
Everyone under the age of 30 has known about it for years, but I had to hear it from the BBC. In fact, I only believe something if the BBC says it. I’m now pleased to be able to share my discovery with the rest of you over 30’s. It’s about a whole new line of work for copywriters, body of work actually.
Did I tell you about this lady who had a baby in a tree? Goodness me! I’ve got such terrible pack pain. Oh yeah, I suffer from that too. But in my case it’s a suspected double hernia. Nothing they can do for it. At least you can still walk, I see. I feel awful. Such a bad head! Must be that hay fever again. Oh yeah, I know someone with that. They can’t step foot out of the house these days, not unless they’re wearing a sort of space suit. Now that is bad. Have you any idea just how much homework and exams I’ve got this week? Oh yeah? Well I heard that there were no school holidays in the UK at all any more. You have to study all year round. Without any grant by the way. And you think you’ve got it bad! Do you realise…
One thing’s for sure: next year we’ll only be taking half the amount of stuff. And, I’ll buy 5 bags (not too big, mind) so that everyone has somewhere to put their own things. Plus 1 bag for On-The-Road-Refreshments and 1 bag for the Unexpected. Okay, and 1 bag for chargers too.
The word alone – cuddle. Definitely an onomatopoeia (what a word that is too btw), a word that sounds like what it means. Cuddle. Or ‘hug’. No, give me a cuddle any day. My indispensable etymological dictionary says that the verb ‘to cuddle’ in Dutch (knuffel) can be traced back to ‘doing something in a clumsy manner’. Makes sense. We’ve all experienced those clumsy cuddles from time to time. (more…)
On your tod. Love that. When no-one else can see you, or at least you think that no-one else can see you. Lots of things are best experienced on your own. (more…)
Imagine you’re a copywriter and you’re polishing someone’s text. Could be anyone. The CEO of a large multinational, a student who’s written a brilliant piece of research but has difficulty with ‘i before e, except after c’, a senior manager who needs to prepare a communication plan for an important presentation, or a small business owner who has better things to do with his time (quite frankly) than devise clever web content. Essentially anyone who struggles to find the right words, creates rambling, mile-long sentences containing 6 subordinate clauses, has absolutely no clue about structure, or compiles doorstop sales brochures that send customers to sleep. Even broadsheet editors who can’t control their compulsion to embellish every second sentence with a metaphor - we copywriters help them all. From CEO to primary school headmaster, to the student who daren’t submit his thesis. I related this around the kitchen table one evening. And…
A while ago I revealed my 5 simple steps on how to become a World Champion. I also explained why I think this is out of reach for most women. It’s not that we’re not ambitious, but rather that we tend to get distracted by the 1001 other things we want to accomplish. (more…)
If there’s one thing I find stressful, it’s spring. Especially when it’s nice weather. You can’t simply slob out in front of the telly, knock out a new column, read a book, or tidy out that cupboard you’ve been meaning to. No way, not in this weather. Totally Out of the Question. If you’re still in bed at 8am at the weekend in this weather, you already feel it coming. Spring stress. (more…)
Say what you like, but the lives of most women share 1 Big Constant.
Regardless of how hard you toil in that office, shop, factory, or whatever; it always comes back to haunt you. (more…)
I also want a younger woman. Not that I’ve had enough of my husband. On the contrary, he’s the best. But I often hear something along the lines of: My first wife didn’t really like that I was so active / youthful / entrepreneurial. You sort of grow apart from each other, don’t you? Personally, I’m extremely young in spirit and, just between you and me, in body too, if you know what I mean, hahaha! And adventurous, I’m extremely adventurous. Actually, I knew right from the start, I mean, she’s very sweet and everything, and great with the kids, but yeah, a real couch potato, mad about Countdown, you know the type. Always wanted to go to the same camp site every year. In fact, come to mention it, that’s where it happened. Spotted a young bit of skirt walking around. Unbelievably fit. A real bit of alright! She…
Je moet eens uitrekenen hoeveel water je als gezin wegspoelt. Per dag en dan vaak nog warm water ook. Liters en liters. Wie weet er wat zijn jaarlijkse waterverbruik is? Ik wel maar ik zeg het niet. Vervolgens moet je bijvoorbeeld die douche ook nog schoonmaken. Met water. Dat kost me toch een tijd! Douchen zelf kost ook veel tijd. Even een break-down: kleding pakken, droge handdoek zoeken, terug voor schone onderbroek, uitkleden, douchen, hehe lekker warm even bijkomen, even shampootje doen, conditioner hmm lekker, oja even wassen en dan nog heeeeel even afspoelen. Daarna afdrogen, insmeren (doe ik nooit, vind ik niks), aankleden, make-up eraf (ook niet aan de orde bij mij) en dan nog even tandenpoetsen. Je bent zo twee uur verder als iedereen ’s avonds gaat douchen. En dan ben ik zelf een flitsdoucher. Niet iedereen is dat. Dan ontstaan Situaties, die iedereen kent die ook maar…
Bij een
iPhone denk je dat je ultiem gebruiksgemak koopt. Intuitief, jaja. Beautiful, klopt. Amazing. Dat ook wel ja. Vooral als je een nieuwe koopt en moet upgraden van je 4 naar je 5 en je kind jouw 4 krijgt en dus alles van zijn 1 of 2 moet overtassen naar die 4 waar jij eerst alles van hebt moeten backuppen en overzetten en synchroniseren en waaaar is mijn password en oohnee simkaartje op maat knippen en oja klopt alles nog met m’n iPad want ik ga van een 3 naar een Air. (more…)