Most men know exactly what it takes to win the World Cup and can happily spend an entire day elaborating on their theory. In contrast, the possibility of World Cup glory has never even entered the more rational heads of most women.
Yet, for those of you who do want to become a World Cup Champion, I’m delighted to present: World Cup Champion in 5 simple steps.
Step 1. Start your training young. Preferably no later than 4 years of age. Attend every football academy, technical training program and summer camp going, no matter how far and wide – your parents will be only too glad to tag along and you’ll get some valuable international travel under your belt.
Step 2. Combine Ego with Team Spirit (in just the right proportions). Your Ego will definitely come into its own when scoring a hat trick. Or, missing an open goal. But, once they start vilifying you for being a ‘selfish’ player, then your days of hero worship are numbered. So, remember to dazzle them with lots of team play too.
Step 3. Make sure you study all, and I mean ALL, of the Best Goals Ever. And then recreate them in your own back garden, local park or recreation ground. Practice them late into the night.
Step 4. Analyse the youth clubs responsible for today’s soccer greats. And find out what they gave their young players to eat after the game. Was it chips or fresh fruit? Our budding young Cruijffs always got chips. And they played Dutch Championship beach soccer. Still don’t know if it was because, or in spite of all those chips.
Step 5. Make sure you’re always pictured with a stunner by your side. A true footballer’s wife, who’s mad about all things football and, ideally, you. For the female footballers among you: you probably couldn’t care less if there was a six-pack shouting encouragement from the side lines.
What women think
In fact, you’re more likely thinking: no, preferably not. Hello! I’m finally getting the opportunity to doing something for myself for once. It’s about time I enjoyed a little happiness of my own. Although… if you must come into town to support me; could you swing by the supermarket for a pint of milk because, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re completely out, and could you please remember to stick the washing in the dryer when you get home? Jeez, why do I always have to ask 3 times before you actually do anything? How am I ever supposed to win a World Cup like this?
Unfortunately, that’s the way it usually goes. Men play football. Women too, but they still have to make sure that there’s milk in the fridge, the kids have their school books, the dryer has been emptied and 1001 other things too numerous to mention. In fact, women simply don’t have time to become world champions. Unless it’s world champion multitasker, of course.
Hey! That’s it! My next 5 Simple Steps will be on: “How to go from Multi-Tasker to Single-Tasker”. Don’t worry, I won’t keep you waiting long. And, I have a feeling you’ll make time for it.